Hi friends. What I am about to write is rather diary like. Hope you don’t mind. It’s also a THANK YOU note.
Ok, to all of you who have kids, and a house and 2 cars and many responsibilities, my life probably looks like a walk in the park. Hey, I have been careful to try to carve out time and space for the “creation” of my life – which is playing music. I’ve also made (and make) emotional sacrifices so that life circumstances don’t eclipse the music.
I have a lovely lady in my life, 3 cats between us, and I am a musical entrepreneur at heart. I am blessed.
Yet I still have my ghosts, demons, responsibilities, doubts. However, action is about to change all of that, or at least kick it’s butt. In fact the action has started – as thought.
I digress – It’s funny – practicing music is like not wanting to drink at a party. It seems everyone pressures you contrary to your needs and desires (unless of course I am simply creating my reality). “C’mon, have a drink” is like “do you have free time, aw you always practice…” Next thing you know – days slip by and others are getting their needs met…just not me. Well guess what, I am saying YES to my needs and it may sound like a NO to them now, but too bad.
The compulsion to fill every moment with something, some activity- particularly if it makes money – does not allow for 2 seconds of spaciousness – the quiet out of which music springs forth. Again, I take 100% responsibility for what’s happened these past few months, and I am responsible for a new direction.
Right now my “music” is many things – communication with people, practice, composition, booking gigs, reaching out and learning from those further ahead than I, and most of all – working on myself as a person. I have been doing the personal development work prescribed by many of todays success teachers and gurus (who are actually very hip).
No more fall back plans allowed. I am jumping off the cliff and will find wings on the way down (Ray Bradbury’s quote).
Music for me is a FULL TIME gig. All the “fall back plans” (steady little time consuming gigs of various sorts) are eating up 4-5 days a week, leaving spaciousness for 2 or 3. So what was once good to help pay bills and “help become” a working musician has now become a ceiling and a hindrance.
Without going into details, I will say this: the train is leaving the station, so to speak. I am on my way to the next level – not externally, but internally. My commitment to music and this life is in a deeper place than ever before.
And who is the thank you for? You!!! Family, friends, fans. Particularly my YOUTUBE fans.
It’s amazing – without audience feedback, I guess much of this music and new acoustic direction would evaporate like a small puddle on a summer day…but the response has been so AWESOME that any last shred of self doubt has turned into a resounding “I can do it!”. All I need now is patience!
Addition: In younger years I had many “great ideas” and thought – “yeah, I could do such and such if I wanted”. Now I see – it’s the action that counts!!!! Anyone can say “I could do it if I wanted”. I ask – “well, what are you doing?”
I know in my bones that this is what the Buddha meant (sort of…err, I hope) with the concept of Right Livelihood. A calling, a passion that benefits the giver and the receiver.
Hmm…I think someone wise once said “get good enough out of the way to make room for great” 🙂
Stay tuned…more music is on the way!